The New Normal, My New Normal

It all used to be so easy, so routine. I didn’t realize it, I didn’t know what I had, I took it for granted, took everything for granted. I never paid attention to the little things in the world, I just ran around doing what I did. And now, in a second, that is gone. My husband went off to his yearly check up, then called me that he was going to the gym and then I get a phonecall that he had a heart attack. He was dead when I got to the hospital. I never got to say goodbye, I never got my last kiss, my last hug. I never got to tell him how much I loved and respected him and what a wonderful husband, father, person he was.

I’ll never be the same. My children will never be the same. I will worry every moment someone I love goes out anywhere. I’m scarred for life.

Getting up and out and doing the day by day things, I just don’t want to. I sleep alot in the afternoon just because sleep makes it all go away. I know I’ve been depressed but I’m also sad, lonely, grief stricken and scared. It’s not fair, I hate to say it over and over again but why, why me? When am I going to stop saying that, feeling that? When will I be able to handle day to day? When will routine be routine? When will I notice the little things around me, when will I appreciate the little things? All I notice, all I appreciate is my pain. And I don’t understand how to go on from that.

Amie