The New Normal, My New Normal

I had a good weekend, I had fun. I think I am surprised by that. I think part of it was I was a bit selfish and thought about myself.

Friday I went out with 2 friends and we laughed, drank wine and had dinner. Saturday I had some of my in-laws visiting and we had a nice dinner and evening. Sunday I went to a friend’s house for dinner and to watch football.

I wonder what this means? I wonder why I wonder what it means. I don’t know, does that make sense? Why do I have to wonder if I am moving on a bit? Do I feel guilty? I know my husband would have wanted me to move on and keep living, all the while making sure the children are well taken care of which they are. I also still have my crush. I don’t think he likes me (his loss) but he knows now that I have this crush on him. Fortunately he is going away on business for a few weeks so it gives me time to figure myself out a bit more. Still I think my having a crush means I also have hope. I know my husband isn’t going to walk in that door. I have accepted that. And while I miss him incredibly it does not mean I have to give up hope. Being widowed at 42 is far too young and hope, hope is ok right now.

AM