The New Normal, My New Normal

It has been a long time since my last entry. Part of it is that life is busy and I’m participating a great deal more in it. Most of it is just because I’m still so damn sad.

I know I’ll be sad forever, I get that. I know that my heart is broken but the pain doesn’t dissipate. It gets worse and it gets different. I miss him so much, I miss him so, so, so much. Miss doesn’t seem to be a strong enough word. I ache for him and I still cannot believe he is gone. It truly is excruciating.

I know I’m supposed to get on with my life, move on, have fun, smile. And I do smile and have fun but always, always, always missing him is in the forefront of everything I feel. The ache that will never go away, never dull, never change. I still think it could be, would be, so much easier if I was with him. Not that I mean that really but life is so hard. It is so hard every day.

I love him.