Another Week
I can’t believe it is October and he has been gone 7 months. I still hear his voice calling me and waiting for him to come through the door. The pain is less but still so severe. The part I cannot stand is when it just comes out of nowhere and I cry. I do cry, I cry all the time. I just wish this didn’t have to happen and that I could have him back. When I see other couples or families, I wonder, why us? Why couldn’t it have been them???
This past weekend my kids and I spent the weekend with my family at my new place at the beach. It was so relaxing and fun. My escape from this world I have to endure each day. I slept there like I cannot here. And I fall asleep instantly. At home I take prescription sleeping pills and it still takes me 2 hours to fall asleep.
I think my kids are in the midst of the anger stage of grieving. It is so hard listening to them fighting with one another. My husband always hated when they fought and now they can’t spend any time together without fighting, even physically at times.
So my crush and I email a bit. His are always short and sweet. He has no idea that I have a crush on him and he probably doesn’t like me since he doesn’t even go there. And how can I have a crush already??? My therapist tells me it’s normal but it is so scary. I don’t really want him to touch me, well maybe, but I do want to kiss him and I could really use a hug. There is something very sexy about him, it’s the eyes, I’m a fool for sexy eyes. I just wish I could fast forward 10 years and see where my life is. And that we are all ok.
AM
