Middle School Girls or Should I Say Moms?
So today was one of my first trying days as a newly Single mom. My 11 year old found herself excluded from something with a group not necessarily by the girls but by a mother. This mother happens to be (I thought) one of my good friends. She was arranging groups for a social activity for the middle school kids on the occasional Friday evening. Except when she made the 4 groups she put her daughter (who my daughter considers her best friend) in one group with about 5 other girls they are friendly with and put my daughter in another group with just a friend.
Under normal circumstances I would have told my daughter to just make it work as assigned. But not this time. My daughter lost her beloved father just 6 months ago. While I don’t expect her to have a lifetime of special treatment I would expect someone who I consider a good friend to watch out for my daughter. If she didn’t want my daughter with hers then she at least should have split the girls up. But instead she didn’t think about my daughter and her feelings at all.
What I would have liked is for her to be honest with me and tell me that she wants the girls separated. I wouldn’t mind, but I do mind that separating means leaving mine out completely from the group. Split the group evenly and I have no problem. Well of course my daughter is devastated and the outcome is that another coordinator switched her daughter in with mine. But the issue remains that this friend did this to me.
I know I am overly sensitive right now but my God I also suddenly became a widow. I guess I just thought a good friend would have kept an eye out knowing how hard things have been for us the past 6 months. I thought a good friend would try not to hurt my daughter’s already sensitive feelings. What a mistake that is. Goes back to what I said the other day, everyone else goes back to their lives and forget what we are going through. I know that happens with regular folks but I wouldn’t have expected it from a friend. Or I guess a so-called friend.
I noticed with this same friend that since I lost my husband she hasn’t invited me to couple get togethers. Minor ones, not big fancy things where I would be uncomfortable. A group of couples that we socialized with regularly and she just leaves me out now. Is it time for me to take the hint? I guess so. That makes me really sad and makes me realize that sometimes you see the true colors of certain individuals and it hurts alot. She hurt me alot, I thought she was a true friend.
I am fascinated by how women treat women and girls treat girls. Clearly this mom is treating me in a way that a mean girl might treat another one. Do you think I am over-reacting? I can’t be, this is one of my 2 closest, closest friends. But most of the mean girls my daughter will encounter as she enters the middle school years learn from their mothers. I have always believed that. Having a son is so much simpler. They have a disagreement with their friend and it’s all over with. Girls hold grudges, girls exclude. And so do moms.
So now what to do? I don’t want to call her, I don’t want to try to make amends. I don’t think I did anything wrong but apparently she is pissed at me. Not surprisingly I don’t care. Since my husband died I care little about insignificant things. It is really quite interesting how it changed my outlook on things. I’ve had one of the worse things happen to me. Mean moms, BRING IT ON. I’ve got no problem letting you know what I think of you. What have I got to lose? I already lost one of the most precious things to me.
