It was 20 Years Ago Today
I remember the day very clearly. I was sitting in my Corporate Finance class in Business School and we were all mesmerized as we watched the market dive, dive, dive. Little did I know then that my future husband was travelling for business and an absolute mess. We met 2 years later and I remember his telling me about his feelings that day. I thought it a bit odd that he was still exhibiting this emotion over something that was recovering and he was in for the long run. Ha, that should have been an eye-opener for me. When it came to money, my husband was irrational. He was funny, warm, loving, smart, charismatic, handsome, athletic, on paper the perfect man but money was his downfall. It wasn’t that he loved to spend it, he loved to save it. I don’t know how much would have been enough for him. He drove the kids and me crazy sometimes with his money obsession. He hated when I went to the mall or did any kind of shopping. We only have 1 credit card, pay it off every month. The day that bill arrived was always very tense in our home. The night he died I lay in bed awake terrified that we had no money, afterall, that was what he always told me. Liar. I never paid attention to what we had, he took care of it and I didn’t care. I worked full time and earned the same salary as he did. I knew we were earning a good salary but I also knew our expenses were very high. The day after he died my lawyer showed up at my front door and said “point me to his office.” So I did. And my lawyer spent hours making phone calls and going through paper work. He sat me down later that evening and told me I would be fine. That he had provided well and I never had to work again if I didn’t want to. I cried and cried because while I knew my husband worried about money, I got it. He worried because he wanted to make sure we would be ok if he ever left us. He was a worrier and God Bless Him, he loved us. And he has provided well for us, I don’t have to sell the house or cut back. I know many widows have financial issues and I’m lucky not to. But I would give up every last penny for 1 more day with him. To tell him how much we love him and how we miss him so. To tell him he was an amazing husband and the world’s greatest dad. In the end money doesn’t bring happiness, it just makes life easier when you have it.
Every day there are constant reminders of him and how I miss him. Today’s reminder is somewhat bittersweet because what I didn’t understand when he talked about October 19, 1987 was even back then he was planning, planning on taking care of the family he didn’t have yet just in case something happened to him.
I hope wherever he is that he knows he did take care of us and still does. In every way, not just financially but most importantly emotionally.
Amie
